Out in the cold...-III

"Am amazed at how cold dat dude Rithesh is. He lookz az if some one has stuck a hot rod up his ass.", said Paul amidst several snickers.

"Ya know whatz wrong wid him? I am an exchange student ya know.", Paul asked the guys.

They were having a party by the waterfall. Paul was taken in as he spend a lot of money on booze. Most of them were in a state of blissful stupor.

"His girlfriend died...", said Aaron.


A lot of laughs greeted Paul's question. And a big fuck you from Aaron.

"I think Aaron had a crush on her.", said Amal, which was greeted by fist on his face. The mood changed as a drunken fight ensued...

Paul and Prajod carried the drunken guys to their rooms.

"Prajod, honestly dude. how did Rithesh's babe die? AIDS?", asked Paul.

"No, no. She used to be one of those brainy girls who wanted to show off by her academics. She went to the library to get some references done. She was irate with our Amal after some tussle regarding a topic in the class. She tried to get the books out without anyone elses help and to cut the story short a big encyclopedia fell right on her head. She died en route to the hospital.", Prajod sighed as he finished the story.

"No wonder it iz said knowledge is fuckin' deadley", remarked Paul.

Rithesh was staring at Gayathri's photo. He was thinking about her as he usually did all the time.

'People said you were insensitive to romance. You didn't know about love. You cared only about positions. You chose your friends based on their academics. Even after we hooked up people were saying you were insensitive and would leave me for a better person.
But I found you to be caring and our relationship was intense. We explored each other and saw the heights of sexuality. Sure, your so called taboo towards love and sex helped us keep everything under wraps. You mesmerised me and has put me in a spell that would last a life time. All I have to ask you is...forgive my swearing...Why the bloody hell did you go to library that day and put on a fucking show? Baby, you left me out in the cold...'

He started crying and was puzzled by the lack of tears...


Done at last. Just a remote resemblance with my old work. Not so many characters and swearing. But the basic killed by the book idea is the same. I think I fleshed it with more emotions and a rationality. Though the language was much much better in the original. Why the hell does college take in these papers? They don't publish in the magazine and I have to write a substandard stuff for the magazine on the last day. I wish they gave our stories back.
I think this might have been surprising to regular readers of my blog. But hey you need a change once in a while :-P I really don't think it has come to the level I thought it would.
The story was never intended to end this way. I had 1 hour to write the story and I spent a good 50 mins on the guys sadness that i never really thought about the ending. This ending was a result of my frustrated resignation. I won first prize for this. Gawd, how bad the others would have been!!!
I forgot the original title. The title is a lift from the eponymous Judas Priest song.

The story has no resemblance with real life characters or situations. If it does seem to you that way, it is a figment of your imagination and you better approach a Psychiatrist immediately ! :-P

Out in the cold...-II

The remains of the sunset was blurred. He realised he was crying. As he wiped his tears he looked at his hand band, 'Live Strong' it said. Her last gift. He smiled a salty smile and left for his room.

"Hey Rithesh!", he heard someone calling him.

It was his friends. 'Or the so called ones...', he thought ruefully.

"Hi dudes. Whats up?", he went near them.

"We are going for a trip to the falls. Coming? Some quality time with booze.", asked of them.

"No man. Can't. Got some pending stuff to be done.", replied Rithesh.

"Awww, come on. You need a break dude. Or are you still in abstinence?", asked Prajod.

"Not that.Sorry I...I can't come.", said Rithesh as he walked away.

"The bastards are still laughing about me when I am not there. Fuck them!", he said to himself. His friends looked on. They had a puzzled expression on their faces.

"The poor guy! He was one good badboy...", remarked Abhilash as he released a stream of smoke.

"What did I say then. He will certainly regret hooking up with her. And look now.", said Amal.

"Technically yes. She did leave him. But not how you had imagined.", said Benny.

"And that Boys and Girls", Amal took time to draw in a big puff of cigarette, "is a lesson not to hook up with a pretentious brainy bitch."

"Hey snap it dude. Why the hell are you dissing her now that she is dead. You had some issues with her. But you are a real bastard to tell such stuff at this time.", Aaron was fuming.

And a verbal tirade broke out among the guys. Eventually they were making comments about each other's mothers and/or pet.

Rithesh spotted an empty packet of a foreign cigarrette. He looked closer to see the brand name. 'Huh? Arabic! Never had that.', he thought to himself. 'God I could kill to have a fag now', he stared longingly at a nearby cigarette shop. The same old man was sitting there. 'But you promised her man!', his inner conscience was telling him.

'Hmmm. thats yin now where is yang?', he waited for a response from his bad self. 'I guess she drove him out of mind', he thought shaking head at his own insane babblings. He thought about the day he stopped smoking...

"Look at that dear. That is how females should be", said Rithesh referring to a music video were a girl was lighting the cigarette for her man.

"Hey I could do the same!", said Gayathri with a glint in her eyes which Rithesh missed.

"Hmmm", he handed her the lighter and placed a cigarette on his lips.

"Close your eyes!" and he closed.

He waited to suck in that first smoke. 'Whats that funny smell', he wondered. Realisation struck at the same instant as the pain. She had lighted his moustache.

"Fuck you!", he swore as he stormed out.

Things patched up a week later after she apologised and he promised not to smoke again.

"I haven't broken that promise dear", he said to her photograph on the table as he switched off the lights.

Out in the cold...-I

'I think I will go to the beach today.', Rithesh told himself. It didn't really matter. It was the same everyday. He goes to the beach around 7 in the evening. Every evening. Couples were leaving as he arrived. "Girls going back to the hostel", he told himself and stared longingly at a couple parting.

'First week in their relationship I guess,' he sighed and recalled those first days with....

"What yo mumblin' dude?", he started when he heard a voice behind him.

'Of all people it had to be this fool, thought Rithesh.' "Nothing," he replied and gave a forced smile at Paul, his classmate.

"Ah! The dawn light fadin'. Da time for yo poetz, eh?", a semi question by Paul.

Rithesh smiled trying really hard to suppress his irritation. 'The stupid accent of the sucker and its dusk.', thought Rithesh as he bade good bye to Paul with a few mumblings.

"Gud Bye matie! Waitin' for the bloody piece of work", Paul winked and left.

"Bloody on your ass", Rithesh remarked angrily suddenly being aware of few angry eyes at him.

'Females. Won't let a man bloody swear.' he thought to himself as he smiled apolegitically at a couple of girls.

He ambled on to his usual haunt, a rock by the sea. As he sat down he glanced at a sharp rock pretty much submerged under the water. He felt a sharp tug at his heart. Memories came flooding in...That evening...

"Thats a fuckin' white sand!", exclaimed Rithesh as he stared at the white sand apparently came up due to the low tide.

"Oouch!", he felt a sharp pain in his ear. Gayathri was pinching his ears.

"No swearing Mister", she said.

"Yes Boss!", said he and sidestepped.

She started after him and tripped. As she fell she caught a sarp rock to get a grip and nicked her palm. As he helped her up he saw her hand bleeding.

"Its bleeding.", he said.

"Let it. The price of falling in love. I don't...", she stopped in mid sentence as he took her hands hand and sucked on the wound.

"What...", she resisted.

"Don't speak. I am the doc", he said and he kissed her hands. "All done!. Its patched up."

"It still aches. Right here.", she said in a mock tired tone and touched her heart.

"And I got the perfect medicine.", he said as he took her face and they kissed with the sun setting behind them. (continued...)

Whew! I wrote this story in S3 (third semester) for a short story contest conducted by our college's literary club. I wanted to write it as a single post but I am not able to recreate the exact stuff here. If I wait for that then I probably won't post my 100th post. :-P I got first prize for this story. I request everyone to read it as a whole when the rest are published. Only then you can feel the exact feel of the story.
Special thanks to Scorpions, Billy Idol, Oasis, Meat Loaf, Gary Moore, Jethro Tull, etc... for giving me inspiration with their heart warming love ballads. Forgive me and wait for the rest of it...:-P

Myself in 20 points...

This is my 99th post. I have read this introspection tag in various blogs. So I thought I would do the same for my 100th post. But then I have got a nice surprise of sorts to celebrate my 100th post. So this would be number 99. ;-)

1. I am a single child. I have got all the good and bad aspects from being one. But I am very close to my two cousins who fill the void as younger brothers.
2. Till I was 10 we lived with my maternal Grandmother and aunts at her house. All around us where our relations and I never felt lonely. Being the first born male in two branches of my mother’s family meant I was regarded as special kid and still it is so.
3. I was raised mainly by my aunts since my mother worked in Kollam at that time. The biggest influence in my life was my Grandma. My life hasn’t been quite the same since she passed away.
4. I used to be an ultra buji in school. I often go on an egoistical spree saying I am very intelligent, but it is quite true. I never needed to sit and study as such. I understood things very easily and that lead to me being very lazy and into a learning disorder.
Even now I don’t study even in the study leave. And I open the book at after 10:30PM the night before the exams.
Even then I manage to study nothing. Scraped through a lot of exams without studying a word. But this time I think I really screwed up. :-(
5. I believe in God and in the power of mantras and rituals. I think my religious belief would be a cross between Vedic Hinduism and modern paganism. :-P
6. I can’t sit idle for long, unless I am reading. I enjoy long walks instead of sitting at a place and you can see me wandering aimlessly in the city.
7. Sadness is something I cannot stand. I give lot of spare change to beggars as I cannot restrain myself from being pitiful. I even gave 10 bucks to small girl once as I had no change to spare. Has to change this attitude!
8. My room is a mess. Absolutely in an anarchy. But inside my PC everything is very well arranged. The best I have ever seen!
9. My passion since my childhood has been reading. Mainly fiction. I got this from my mom. She used to be voracious reader in her youth. My Grandfather was also an avid reader.
My first books would be Russian translations of fairy tales which my mom bought for me. Some interesting books which let my imagination run wild. Then used to be Balarama and Poompata (which I still read :-P). Later on Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew etc after moving to our home and getting membership in Sree Chithira Thirunaal Library. Then I became friends with Aswin who introduced me to the world of thrillers with a book called Shaitan. Then Sheldon, Archer, Wilbur Smith, John Grisham, Forsyth etc and now Dan Brown have been my staple food.
I read both English and Malayalam books. Though Malayalam is quite less these days.
My favourite writer would be Basheer in Malayalam and Ernest Hemingway in English followed closely by Tolkien and Douglas Adams.
10. Music is an integral part of my life now. My first song box was a tape recorder my father bought when I was 6 (Besides an old radio). Before that we got cheated by a stupid scheme at the end of which we got cheated with a blanket instead of a tape!
That system was pretty beat up and done by the time I was 10 and I had to wait till I was 15 to get a song box. My computer!
The music I listen to is mainly rock and its various flavours. I was hooked to it after listening to Sweet Child o mine by Guns N Roses. I haven’t been the same since.
11. I don’t watch much TV these days. Mainly sitcoms: Full House, Friends, Carolyn in the city, Will & Grace Etc. Basically the stuff on Zee Café. I watch news channels and my favourites are Headlines Today and CNN IBN. My crushes are usually the news babes! :-P (Smriti Rao, Aneesha Nayar etc)
Earlier I used to watch Cartoon Network from Dawn to Dusk (when I was in high school).
12. I am quite overweight and I love junk food. Are these connected? :-D
13. I believe in numerology and my lucky number is 3 and unlucky is 13!
14. Sometimes I see some strange dreams. Once I saw my self at school stark naked! :-D
Today afternoon I saw a dream in which I was playing with a tiger!
15. I like creating stuff. But I am lazy to write. The movies I made were critically acclaimed ones with mass appeal! (Beyond the Horizon and Open Source: May the source be with you) Thought the third one ‘New Avenues’ was not up to the mark.
16. I have got lots of prizes. In painting in lower classes at school and for various items in college. Something, err, the only respectable thing I got after 4 years in engineering.
The most prized would be the first in Technical writing me and Haris got at Thodupuzha, University College of Engineering, my very first after a long time.
17. I am kind of a loner and I feel out of place in all the gatherings including ones with my friends. I am kind of shy towards girls and it takes a lot of time for me to get acquainted with one of the fairer kind.
18. Witticism is one of my strength and I realised this in college. I am quick thinker on the feet and make all kinds of excuses which are believed 99 times out of 100. Now thinking of making one to go on a trip to Ponmudi with guys.
19. I think my biggest inhibition is my stammer. It’s a less pronounced these days, but it is still there and hits me strong at times, crucial times.
I had a surgery to correct it but Doctors said that my vocabulary was far advanced and set than any 11 year old kid and so it is difficult to wipe off completely. I went for a therapy but had to discontinue due to various reasons.
20. I never thought I would smoke and had an allergy due to my migraine. But now…I don’t smoke much mind you…maybe a couple of fags a day. That too because I am sitting bored as there is no college. But I have to stop given my addictive personality.
A new year resolution???
Wine is something I am quite comfortable with and I don’t have it often. In fact I can count the number of times with a hand (may be both hands and feet :-P).

This may have bored you people, but hey, I poured my heart out here! :-P
My longest post in terms of content and the time taken…
It has been a difficult hour thinking about myself and I may have missed many points I would have written.
Hail Narcissism!

My 2005...

Hi everybody.
A merry Xmas to all of you. My good friend Hafeez asked me to blog about my year and I have done the same in the Fellowship blog. Please read and do comment.
Shall we meet the President? *drumrolls* The pending tour report is coming this fall!!! (too dramatic?) Posted by Picasa
Today, err, yesterday (its 12:21 AM now!) I happened to get to Zee TV while channel surfing. I don’t watch these shit but Asianet seems to have jumbled the order and Zee TV resides in the position of VH1, my favourite channel. I was lucky to chance upon there or I would have missed a wonderful spectacle which would last a lifetime! It was a movie climax, the hero is someone I have no idea of and the lead lady seems familiar but can’t exactly point who she is. Anyway to our spectacle.
Imagine this situation:
Hero is hanging by his fingertips (nails?) at a height of about 250 metres (a 50 storey building).
Where exactly? The ledge?
Nope! There is a rope, yup a white fibre rope I double checked, hanging from the top floor one huge building to another attached to poles. The buildings are incidentally some 200m apart.
What is the use of that rope? Hang Clothes??? And how did they put it?
Next: There is cute 3 year old girl hanging on to our hero’s back crying! Talk about the edge of cuteness…
It does not stop there: There is a big snake, a big cobra moving towards our hero through the rope!!! What the fuck? Talk about bad luck striking you!
And our hero seems to be stuck and he is bleeding a lot.
This is the situation when I started watching…Amused, I decided to watch on…
A massive crowd is gathered, like ants from our hero’s position (remember the height!)…
People are watching excitedly from flat windows. Strange, only young couples seem to be there…hmmm
The girl suddenly slips from our hero’s shoulder and hangs by his boots! A lady collapses in the flat! People are screaming… Our fair lady is calling some other guy to come and watch the spectacle instead of calling fire force! She is the mother but behaves as if she is a news crazed journalist.
Our hero trying to get the girl back, the snake inching towards him….and now the pole seems to be loose! Oh My God!!!
Our hero seems to have developed prehensile limbs like that of a gorilla and has taken the girl from his boots to his arms in one swoop while hanging on with his second forelimb. A good investment for India in the Olympics?
The snake is nearing, crowds are screaming, hero is twitching, poles are straining and I am gagging with laughter and disbelief…
Snake is near at an armshot, our hero shakes the rope so much that the snake falls to the ground…People cheer but alas the pole breaks…
BTW the fire force had come with their longest ladder and found it to be a couple of miles short. They had spread a big fishing net for our hero to break his fall.
Ya, the pole broke. Like Spiderman our hero swings with the falling rope and barges straight into the bed of yet another couple saying, “Screw your fishing net you fire morons!”
Now the crowd gets some sticks and comes to kill the snake. Poor snake! It has been thrown straight into a spiked wall and is almost dead. Our hero comes and says some mambo jambo. Suddenly the snake is transformed into a hot chick!
Apparently the chick was dissed by our goody two shoes hero and she sought revenge. But now she starts to hear things and we see her heavenly boyfriend calling out. She dies (booohooo!) and joins her heartthrob in the skies with thermocoal clouds. Ending credits rolls with the hero, heroine and the kid hugging,,,Awww, sho shweet!
Bollywood movies at its best…The reason why I don’t watch Hindi movies. My last hindi movie? Hmmmm…Hmmmm…Hmmmm Its been soooo looong now. I think it was Munnabai MBBS. That was brilliant though!

How to crash Linux :-D?

I am posting this from our Linux class. I just happened to be one of the instruments who crashed the system. We were taught some stuff about bash scripting and how to run scripts at the start of a login. Me and Jackie made a couple of scripts. And i made an iterative statement "Kill Gates" display for 20 times. Then some absolute idiot modified a core file bashrc and the whole system crashed. I was the prime suspect and actually I was going to write a script which would have pinged 200 computers and displayed the results at the start of login.
Well, for those who don't know, pinging means checking the availability of a system over the network and it takes about 20 seconds to ping one system.Imagine pinging 200 systems, takes about 7 minutes. Not only that several users will be trying that at the same time! So imagine the chaos that would be created...
Things are still not rectified. Atleast sir won't ask me to sit in front in the server anymore ;-)

The number of the beast...

666? Well, not quite! My unlucky number is 13. A classical straight forward one, right.
It actually harbors more than just the conventional fear of that number. In fact I love 111 another unlucky number.  Though it may seem cranky to some people, I believe in numerology and the power of numbers. But I don’t quite agree with changing names to change luck. Yeah, next they are going to change their father for luck.
Back to our point. Why exactly this post now? This is the 94th post in this blog.  9+4=13!
Another irony ismy university roll number is 013! When I got the number I had a sinking feeling. And that is what is happening I am a sinking ship in my academics. The major contribution is myself and a lot has to do with luck. I should have been 12 my lucky number if Anil Sony who never intended to complete the course and dropped out after the first year did not come to the college at all. And incidentally Naveen likes 13 and he would have been 13. Everybody would have been happy.
In the 2004 inter house cricket finals, I batted for my team and I was woefully out of form. I crawled and groveled my way through and was humiliated. Guess my score? 13 from 28 balls. And no, I didn’t know my score when I was out.
An event that brought about profound changes in my life was my Grandmothers death. She passed away in room number 26. The double of 13…
Well I have been contemplating this post for long. And I wrote it now because I saw the post number. It hasn’t reached my expectations though. I guess I am falling into a sort of block now…
Later Days…
Music Recommendation: James Blunt- Back to Bedlam

IRMA and more...

Third post of the day? Well, the first had been a lyrics and second a poll. So I think there is space for one more.
Today was the IRMA entrance test. For those who don’t know: IRMA is Institute of Rural Management, Anand. It is headed by Varghese Kurien, the man behind White revolution in India and aims at creation of managers suited for the development of rural India.
Nitin did not apply for the test and Divakar did not write it. So I was alone in this battle. I went there a little early. I have this compulsive disorder of reaching places early. I absolutely hate being late but I tolerate others being late. Hmmm, I was close to tears the one day I became late at school. No one scolded or anything but I wanted to cry because I was late. Pretty lame, eh?
This time though I was a bit too early. Centre was the Pattom Girls Higher Secondary School and on reaching there I saw nobody. I double checked the hall ticket. Then a man asked whether I was here for the test. I affirmed and he told me to go to the far end of the school where there were “two coconut trees”. The way was puzzling and I found the trees and the building.
Some guys were standing there. They seemed to be studying stuff. I had no books with me and I would have looked like an ass simply standing there. So I decided to go out of the school and take a stroll to the nearby church. (Not to pray. Its Sunday dude, lots of babes!). After some productive bird watching I returned. Now the turnout had increased. I actually decided to read the instructions and to my horror I found that a sample application form was to be filled. Only 10 minutes left and I started filling it feeling a little panicky. Well, the form was confusing,
Finally, we entered the hall and the usual blah-blahs later exam started. 200 questions, 180 minutes, 4 sections. I actually had zero preparation for the exam. Not even a single stuff was looked into the day before or otherwise. Surprisingly I felt good about not preparing, the quant was quite easy and they had clubbed DI with quant. Could answer a lot. There were two passages and some English questions in the verbal section. Walk in the park I guess. I was really impressed by the analytical reasoning section. Tested the logic and vision of me and perfect for a manager. The questions were practical based like “would you grant a bank loan to this guy based on our records and data available?’ and “the right course of action the government must take to this issue” etc. I really enjoyed this section. Then came the issues of social concern. 60 questions and the most important one. Really tough for someone like me who is away from the social studies stream for a long time. Still it was quite doable.
How did I fare? I think I did ok. Or borrowing kickassso’s words it wasn’t deadly. It is relative performance that matters…
Actually this was the same school I wrote the CUSAT entrance test. Well, the test was a joke but here I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, hands down! I forgot her name. ( I think I am a prime candidate for, errr…, oh ya Alzheimer’s!) When I came home I listened to the song “You are Beautiful “ by James Blunt. The words are so true…some excerpts I found endearing…

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,

But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.
You Are a Classic Martini

You area sophisticated drinker, who knows that simple quality is over-rated.
You're a knowledgeable drunk, but sometimes you're a know-it-all when you're blasted.

You should never: Drink and gossip. You tend to forget who's standing right behind you!

Your ideal party: Has a real bartender. But no one mixes a better drink than you.

Your drinking soulmates: those with a Chocolate Martini personality

Your drinking rivals: those with a Margarita Martini personality

I am posting this because I liked the questions in the poll. Very reasonable and thoughtful. A real change from the usual crappy ones.

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isn’t hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people living life in peace...

Imagine no possessions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I’m a dreamer,
but I’m not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

Written by John Lennon

I just heard this song for the first time. It is often said to be the best song by Lennon. Now I see why it is. Wonderful peace of work! (Spelling mistake is intentional). An instant entry into my all time favourites. A solution to heal the world?

My christmas movie...

Christmas Specials keep on coming...

Your Christmas is Most Like: Miracle on 34th Street

Sweet and caring, Christmas is about helping for you.
While Santa may not exist, you try to share his spirit.
Wow! Some response to my previous post! Well, now I think about it I was feeling quite low at that point of time. I had my best friend calling me up and asking whether there was anything terribly wrong! I just read Arti's blog and she qouted from somewhere "When in pain Blog!" May seem a bit lame but how true! I think that blogging has opened an all new avenue to vent out the steam.
For me, I have been discovering quite an unknown side of myself through my blog. I am the first to admit that I never really chat upto a person in a face to face conversation unless I am very close or I am mad at that person (usually teachers :-D).
The more deplorable is my skill on the telephone. A couple of hours back I chatted with a friend on Sree's mobile and she remarked that it was our first phone conversation even after being friends. Hmmm, how true!
Not just with friends whom I know for 4-5 years, but with my close family too I have this problem running out of words on the phone. My favourite aunt had said that she would really miss me if I went away somewhere because I don't much use the phone.
But writing is different for me. I never really have a lack of words,they just keep coming to my hands. I made some good friends after getting net and chatting and cemented some good ones to strong ones too.
Hmmm, I can say that "I have more friends now!" :-D

Well thanks to all who commented on the below entry.Especially Duttan, Divya and Hary.

Let Down...

How many times do you get the feeling that someone has screwed you/let you down?
I am a paranoid person, though people who know me would go "What!", deep down inside I am one hell of a paranoid. What prompted me to write this article? Well, I got an exam tomorrow and I have been let down by a good friend of mine. I won't divulge any details because the guy is good friend and I am sure he didn't mean to screw me and may be I am just pissed off right now and is not thinking clearly (though I doubt it). Not just this incident, also some other thoughts of mine and action/words of others have been boiling inside my head for a long time and now the steam has to be let out.
That brings about the question. What is screwing then? It need not be planned and/or intentional. Fairly unintentional things that you say or do can screw a person or let him down or make him feel bad. Now I am not say that I am Mother Teresa (or is it Father Dominic?) and I do only good things and don't let others down or screw them. But I am sure I do stuff rarely, very rarely. I always want good things to happen to everybody. I wish and pray for it. My prayers in temple usually ends with "Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavanthu" or may the world be at its prosperous best.
I have been a good guy through out my life (contradictory with my goody two shoes post, eh?) and I suspect will be one for the rest of it. I often go out of my way to help people and care for them, even though the recipients may not realise it. I don't need to prove that to anyone else because I know myself. Only I know myself. I am not harping my virtuosity and being egoistic. Am I?
I have an inner voice telling me to stop being generous and a lot of real voices as well. But I can't help it. May be that is exactly why I feel so down after being let down.
I think a major point is illustrated. Humans are inherently selfish. It is just that the percentage of selfishness varies between one person to another. You may reach the epitome of existence when you get that down to a 0%. Then you are Godlike. The echelon of disinterest. But this requires an effort which is inhuman and not possible for people like us who are in the deepest crevices of materialism.
My motto in life is to do everything you can do to make people happy, though I have struggled most of the time to do it. There may be a lot of people who don't agree with me or my philosophy. I would like to hear your comments. What is life without that randomness that make it exciting? You can appreciate something only if you know its antagonism.
Good Bye.

Espedair Street...

After a series of gruelling exams, a completely broken me visited the British Library to find some solace to my aching soul in the vicinity of my best friends: Books...

I found a Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy compendium. I immediately grabbed it. I had taken it earlier and finished the first two books and then some idiot reserved and I had to relinquish the book. I was in a festive spirit after getting the book. Alas, it was not to last! I was informed that the book was reserved (which SOB did this again???) and I was left broken once again.

Many interesting books were there . But I simple didn't have the heart to read them. My attention went to the lowest racks. I took that book, once again. Espedair Street by Iain.M.Banks.

Whenever I am feeling a bit down and I am in library invariably I take this book. No, it is not any chicken soup book, but a novel about a rock star (?). You may be asking, "How the hell do you find that calming, dude???"

Well, there are many reasons. Firstly, I am a rock head. I am completely into rock music and not just music, the rock culture. I can relate to it unlike anyone else. Then the protagonist in the novel, Daniel Weir or WEIRD has a some common grounds with me. He wants to be a ground breaking song writer while I am contemplating a career in fiction. He has got a grotesque stammer (at least most of his life) and I have a stammer problem and is tongue tied at certain instances. (Not when I am angry though! I can rant and rant without any aberration when I am raving mad at someone!) Weird is quite an un-handsome and I am not exactly a hunk (way off in fact!) Lastly both of us are dreamers.

The story starts like this. "Three days ago I decided to kill myself. But last night, I decided otherwise." Not too promising, eh? Well, the story is told in a series of flashbacks. Weird is now living in a church like building constructed by an eccentric anti-christian. ( who turned so since his dead baby was not to be granted permission to enter heaven as he was not baptized! not by god but by church...) He is living there under the guise of being Jimmy, the caretaker. He has a load of the eastern bloc booze and some other goods in his cellar to keep him company. (which he incidentally got as royalty from sales in communist countries who refused to part with their currency) He is not alone always though. He has a 50 some semi-drunkard man, late teen boy and a whore to keep him company at times. He is reminiscing his life and career after his band broke due to the on stage death of his band mate.

Lots of good stuff in this book. The writing style is really humorous ( though it is a bit dark mind you!) and you get an insight into a rock star's life. The ending is also a good one. Though one may argue the sanity behind his decisions at the end. But in reality this is a love story, though one may not realise while reading the book.

Highly recommended!***** (I am a sucker for this book so please forgive me for this high rating

One of my favourite books of all time. I think i have read it some 12 times now. Even now the magic doesn't wear off.

From the Internet Book List and the back cover of the book.

Daniel Weir was a famous - not to say infamous - rock star. Maybe he still is. At 31 he has been both a brilliant failure and a dull success. He's made a lot of mistakes that have paid off and a lot of smart moves he'll regret forever. (However long that turns out to be.) Daniel Weir has gone from rags to riches and back, and managed to hold on to them both, though not to much else. His friends all seem to be dead, fed up with him or just disgusted - and who can blame them? And now Daniel Weir is all alone. As he contemplates his life, Daniel realizes he has only two problems: the past and the future. He knows how bad the past has been. But the future - well, the future is something else.

Christmas Special Blog Tests!

You Are Blitzen

Always in good spirits, you're the reindeer who loves to party down with Santa.

Why You're Naughty: You're always blitzed on Christmas Eve, while flying!

Why You're Nice: You mix up a mean eggnog martini.

You Were a Swan

You are a spiritual soul who sees into the future.

You are also good at interpreting dreams - those of yourself and others.

My tech blog...

Finally I have decided to have my own tech blog. I think and I hope it would motivate me in the drudgery of the days of our project work. Sharing technical knowledge has always been my passion. I hope to do the same with the journal.
Why am I not using this blog?
This is turning out to be a glance in to my world and my life. It would be better if I don’t introduce too much of information in to the blog as such and I am sure I won’t be able to do justice to it that way.
Anyway, don’t mix business with pleasure! ;-D
I have been working on Ubuntu Linux for a couple of days now. I think it is time to post my thoughts on this wonderful piece of software.
Ubuntu literally means: 'For humanity'. This is an African word. It is made by Canonical Ltd. based in the Isle of Man. For more info just look into the Wikipedia.

I really noticed Ubuntu for the first time at Santosh's place when I saw the original CD lying there. Fox told me about their free shipping thing. Ubuntu gives away Cd's of the latest version for free. That includes the shipping cost as well. There are various options available to order. Just go to the site and register to see them. I ordered for 15 CD pack; the smallest available. We can track our requests at the site and they sent it to the shipping company on 7th November and usually 4-6 weeks takes for delivery. I got my package three days back. The package was very safe and CD packs were placed inside a bubble wrapper.

The version is 5.10 and called the Breezy Badger. Each pack contains an install CD and a live CD. Good choice since the users can interact with the system before installing it. The CD cover is made of cardboard and is of a good design.

Live CD
The first live CD I used did not work. There is a consistency checker program that loads along with the CD. It showed errors when checked. I had some doubts in my mind. But all was cleared with the next live CD. it worked like a dream. The fastest live CD I have ever used. And the interface is very likable.

I had placed a partition as free in order to install this. But the trouble was that the partition manager was detecting my secondary as a single partition. Seems to be a problem with my disc. I could only make a dynamic disk with simple partitions while partitioning the disk and it has to imported when taken else where. Somebody clear my doubts on this, please.
Since I had space to play with. I moved the contents of an entire partition and deleted it.
Now I could format it into native Linux system and install the OS. From here everything went smooth. No trouble with hardware detection. The only issue here is the unfriendly partition options and manager. Other than that installation was very smooth.

Very good looking welcome screen awaits you at the other side. The load speed is fairly matched with that of Windows XP. The only issue I had was that after I enabled my network, I had to switch on the cable modem in order to boot in faster,
Well, the speed is very good. The interface is very simple. Your windows disks are auto mounted. A real boon since this used to be a royal pain in the ass, earlier.
The thing that blew me away was that the net speed seemed to have increased by two fold. Images were loading very fast and my mail checking was finished some good 10 minutes earlier than usual. No its not my imagination.
The major disappointment is the lack of softwares. Sure, there are lot of them available to be installed, but still where is emacs,vim, xmms, xine etc. The mp3, other proprietary formats won't work until you download the codecs. There are easy commands to install them. Visit the Ubuntu Wiki page.
The built in players are not very good. Especially the video player, Totem player. I completely sucks for me. Slow frame rates or error for most files. Has to download Xine. The audio player, Rhythm Box, is good as a library but very cumber some as a player. Just downloaded XMMS and it is like the winamp of older times. A lot of stuff to download in order to make this a cutting edge system.

My Verdict?
It is the closest you can get to a Windows replacement. The government should take this into their IT programs. The easiest you can get and frankly for employees using a software, does the OS really matter as long as they are slugging at one software. There is an offering called “Edubuntu- Linux for young human beings” especially for children and family. That would do a lot of good to the kids in the IT @school programs. Only employing Linux would dissolve the digital divide and drive the usage price of a PC down to earth in a legitimate way.

I got some Cd's to give away. 1 set is not good since the live CD is damaged. 2 64 bit Cd's are reserved for Dinkan and Sreenath who have AMD 64 PC's. Haris and Santhosh have asked for one each. I have decided to give the rest to my friends in the Linux class. Another shipment would come at the end of this month and that has 20 Cd's. So more Cd's for my friends who won't be getting it the first time. If there is any one out there with a Mac ( i have got two mac Cd's left and a 64 bit one) please contact me if you want the distro.

Adieu my friend!

The street dog,(please forgive me i cudnt find the permalink its the archive page of that month. scroll down for the article) about whom had written earlier has been missing for a few days now. At first I didn't take much notice but recently I have been dreading the possibility of it being trampled under a some vehicle. This feeling was heightened by a couple of decapitated cats I had seen. I was chatting with my mom about the dog and she told that it was taken away. Some CITU guys had lured it into the backside of a cargo auto by placing some food in it. They closed the door and then drove it of to somewhere.
I had grown close to it and really the first dog I have been friends with. It had a human face and eyes, atleast I thought so, and never really barked. It liked me very much and hung around our house most of the time. My mother, who was very apprehensive of the dog had grown to like it. He used to get up and stand beside the gate when it saw my parents. When I came, usually it used to run upto me and climb on to my legs. This dog had really taken away my age old fear of dogs. While I had gone on tour, the animal rescue people took the dog away, neutered it and brought it back with a brand new belt. It really looked cute in that belt. The dog always wanted to be inside the compound, but we never allowed that. I used to be the one to order it out. My friends would remember the funny altercations.
It is still pretty hazy about the motive behind it being taken away. The CITU people never do such things. Besides the dog never went near them. Father said that some lady had entrusted the hotel to give it food in the afternoon for a flat rate of Rs500 a month. Really, kind hearted lady.
Anyway, I really miss you dawg. You were a good dawg. I hope you get good food and live peacefully.

Scorpio durantham!!!!
Originally uploaded by naveen t s.
Naveen posted this in the Flickr page.
The vehicle in question was hired by the "kidilams" in our college to go and have a jolly time. Some jolly time indeed! They went at some 120 Kph and swerve and hit the dust.
Fortunately(?) none of then were hurt. Only Physically! They were set back by some 1.5 lakhs (if I remember correctly). Rich Dad, Wrong people, Bad driving.
What an excellent combination!


Wheew! Atlast an exam where I hope to pass more than dread to fail. Just finished the microprocessor criti exams. But I had the same if not a more jubilant reaction the last time around. But, this is criti so I hope the university shows some meharbaani. The last 5 exams where disasters and thefirst time I am going to write the exams with 4 hall tickets. I will have a mercy exam of CHD unless the university guy decides that I am going to marry his daughter.
The supply Compilers was a big disaster. Though everyone said they sucked and said they would fail, I suspect the suckers of scraping through. Good for them and I hope they get through.
As far as DB went. Well it was a really wondeful experience. You have to some experiences like this to spice up your life. When I got the question paper, the question in my head was 'How the hell am I going to score 10 marks in this?' Well,I brought my creative side out and wrote 8 short stories for the short answer questions (total fiction! get it?). Then I proceeded to the essays and they were interleaved with 90% trash and 10% matter. Out of the 18 pages I wrote only 2 pages contains some substance. Very interesting marks this would be!
Communication sucked totally just because I didn't study a word and ISM was an epic in the making. Once again I proved to myself why i should be going into management. Really, what a management paper! I hope I scrape through. I wrote the answers with so much conviction and created new management theories that the examiner may be feel like that. May be not.
I think studies got to pick up now. Me and Rajappan are starting our late night studies with 1 hour call in between. It really helped last time around. I passed with some 60 marks even for subjects I started learning at 10 PM the day before. I missed the study for these exams. Infact I forgot about this thing and was wondering what was amiss.
Hope everything goes well for everyone.
"Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavanthu!"

More Blog Tests...*sigh*

Your Hair Should Be Blue

Wild, brilliant, and out of control.
You're a risk taker with an eye to the future.

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle.
But you may be ready in a couple of years.
You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.
And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

My computer geek score is greater than 86% of all people in the world! How do you compare? Click here to find out!

Networked Artificial Replicant Assembled for Yelling and Accurate Nullification
You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

New Look!

After some hard work for 2 hours I have finally completed the blog revamp. Had to make some changes to the template provided by Caz!
But if you people have any suggestions or liked the old template better please let me know. I think it is a bit dark.
Its been 4 months since I have taken Asianet connection. My downloads have clocked around 10 GB by now. but most of it has been music and a lot of entertainment stuff. Also some ebooks.
I have always liked cartoons (may be a return to innocence?) and documentaries. I have been looking for some serious stuff to download (yeah! cartoons are serious for me!) and have found some toon torrents. But they are prohibitively big ranging from 1.5 GB-5 GB.
By cartoons I don't mean the new age manga cartoons like Pokemon and others. I like the oldies like Yogi Bear etc and better still, the short cartoons, the forgotten ones. My prayers have been answered. Enter The Internet Archive!
This site contains the out of copyright works and works based on creative commons license. There are a lot of stuff here. Cartoons, newsreels, old movies, documentaries, ebooks, audio etc in a variety of formats. I am downloading some 15 stuffs from here. A must visit for anyone with similar interests as moi.

The Forbidden Places...

Disclaimer: The following article involves a topic which is not appropriate for family reading. I have made it as clean as possible. Ladies and sissy boys, if you stumble upon these places, at least don’t reveal your enlightening source. I don’t think I can handle being roughed up by pissed off brothers.

These are the places in a typical guy’s PC. Some conditions apply though.
1. No nosy sisters proficient in the intricacies of a PC. (Also add younger brothers and rarely elder ones)
2. PC is untouched by parents and elder relations.
3. PC in a hostel or friends living together.
Many other stipulations may be added…

Where to find them?
Inside folders and folders and folders of Windows, Turbo C++, Office etc or may be even in the desktop of the bolder ones (I know at least one guy ;-))

The common names?
Files may be having extensions dll (the most popular one), cpp, sys etc and they have sizes in excess of 1 MB (usually 50+)

The folder names may be bizarre but it really makes sense to those who know them.
E.g. BITS (should make sense to anyone), MIT (M inducing technology), NIT (N in techniques), Pilani (my favourite), Porndicherry (the name says it all), Junk (another favourite), names of places like Mysore, Faridabad etc…and the list moves on

If you find such things in a PC stay clear instead of getting nasty surprises (i.e.  if you don’t want any!)

P.S: If this is inappropriate or in poor taste please be honest. I will take the post of immediately, IF I am convinced :-).

Ek Anek aur Ekta

While searching for some, um, ‘stuff’ in Desitorrents, I came across the documentary section. I looked into it curiously and found some great stuff. Out of which one I downloaded instantly. It is a short movie by NFDC (National Film Development Council) titled, “Ek, Anek aur Eketa” (One, Many and Oneness). The film would be familiar those who have seen Doordarshan some 10-15 years back. It is an animation about the strength of togetherness and harmony.
It really brought in a wave of nostalgic emotions to me. I loved these kind of stuff and still do. The animation may be simplistic and drab but the emotion adds a lot of colour to it. I really feel that NFDC should dig up these forgotten treasures and put it up for download. At least they could put it as torrent download and there may be a lot of willing seeders if I am not mistaken. Embrace the medium of torrents and use it for some good purpose rather than simply downloading movies, songs, games, porn etc.
The university exams start tomorrow and I have to get some studies going. All the best for everyone writing the exams.
Signing off with the words from the documentary:
“Sooraj Ek, Chanda Ek
Thaare Anek.
Ek Dilhari,
Anek Dilhariyan
Ek Thithali
Anek Thithaliyan
Ek Chidiya
Anek Chidiya”

P.S:For those who don’t know Hindi (or forgotten it):
Sooraj-Sun, Chanda- Moon, Thaare- Stars, Dilhari- Squirrel, Thithali- Butterfly, Chidiya- Bird, Ek- One, Anek- Many
P.P.S: My next download is Nat Geo documentary on Kalari Payattu

Tagged Ya!

I had thought of tagging last time around, but I forgot after that looong post...
So here goes...
Me tag...
kickassso U wanted a tag? u got it
Duttan( I know he did in this one...but still)
all the people in the fellowship blog
Haris(this guy hasn't blogged for a long time and it wud be interesting...:-)
and anyone else who wants to do it...
Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against my parents. I love them more than anything in this world and the reciprocal is more than that. These are just my take on the views of most parents and sometimes I think my parents share the same due to the intense pressure from their peers.
10. Thou shall study your lessons daily and go to the best tuition centre in the town.
9. Thou shall listen to melodious Mallu and Hindi music. Your taste may go up to the extent of listening to pop songs like that of Westlife, BSB etc and like the songs liked by your peers. Hardrock and Metal are strict no-nos.
8. Thou shall see good mallu movies and hindi movies. Only the hyped up english movies shall be seen.
7. Sports and games are essential only in theory. Thou shall take part in it at your free time and your vacation.
6. Reading is a good habit. Only if you score a lot of marks in your studies and you have set aside some time for reading. Thou shall read only goody goody books or the hyped books in the media like Harry Potter.
5. Thou shall respect your teachers and follow every word they say and write notes and complete your assignments before everybody else.
4. Thou shall not swear and berate others. No drinking and smoking.
3. Thou shall follow your parents wishes and their fantasies.Thou shall study hard and score 90+ in Xth, 85+ in XIIth and 80+ for graduation.
2. Your aim should be to do well in entrance exams and get into Medical College or CET. Then the ultimate aim should be to get through your campus placements and secure a job. Write CAT as part of a fad.
1. Thou shall not fall in love. If you do make sure the girl is your caste, not poor etc. Marry a girl of the parents' choosing and have kids. Then the raise the kids on the above principles.

Hmmm, I don't think many parents are this way. But a lot of them are and most of them adhere to lot of commandments here.

Now why I am not a goody two shoes...
10. Daily studies?! But I wish I had gone to the better tuition centres.
9. AC/DC, Sabbath, GNR, Motorrrhead!!! These make my day!
8. Movies. I like movies that I like. A lot of them are english and my parents see me watching the english movies and sitcoms. SO I am misunderstood.
7. I used to play cricket on every holiday from morning till dusk and even at night, cutting tuition classes and making silly excuses. Nowadays its the virtual sports that take up my time.
6. I read a lot and read lot more during examinations!
5. Respect teachers? I sorely lack that quality. I respect those who teach well. After coming to college it has to be Gopakumar Sir, Tarun Sir, Rajarajeshwari Maam, Muralidharan Sirs(both maths and mech), Anitha Maam (unusual combination of beauty and brain. Damn, was she sexy!), Lekshmi Maam (Advanced MP)...There may be names I am forgetting...
4. I swear all the time. When I am pissed off extremely I swear in english and most of the other time its the vernacular. Drinking and Smoking???!!! ;-D
3.Those percentages I have not seen since,hmmmm, 7th standard!
2. Well I totally disagree with that and the educational system sucks!
1. I can't say much about that. I just hope the lady is good.

So after a quick analysis I score about 1/10. Am Surely going to hell!
This is going to be my profile picture... Posted by Picasa
Here I am badly mauled by a kitty giving a lifelong hatred towards the feline kind. CAT was horrible and more horrible was the conflicting keys of our own TIME and Careerlauncher(does anybody go there?)
Anyway after being completely put off for a couple of days and 'blowing' away my frustrations I have picked up the pieces and stopped 'subliming' my self.
Now the realisation has struck. I have 3 exams to write next week in 3 days, 2 of which I have absolutely no idea of and 1 is a must win situation (criti paper from s5) and another 1 I know some things but I have a history of flunking papers of my favourite subjects and teachers. To compound the issue the weekend is gone as IIFT exam is there. I shouldnt have applied for it. Hell, what to do now?
Has to get some studies up and running and so far it is refusing to start. In fact I am not even playing games, reading or listening to music much these days, which are a staple diet during exams.
When I put my head straight I have a lot to blog: the remaining tou report (just scrached the surface), the tale of the kitty and more...
But I will be back after putting some work in the exams. Hope so...
"I'll BE back" as Guybrush Threepwood says :-)


The day of deliverance is here! On Nov 20 almost 2 Lakh are going to write the toughest management entrance examination in the world. I am one of them. Hopes are pinned on me by my parents and I am responsible for nurturing it in order to escape from other failures I had encountered. Well, am i prepared for it?
The short answer is NO. I don't know the long answer but it will also border on some shade of no as well. The prep for thequantitative section of the paper has been abysmal to say the least. I just lost my drive mid way through the preparations. I cannot pin why, though. The data analysis and logic part is also pretty ill-prepared and my logic never seems to find rest with the real answers :-(. I always thought I could score on verbal section, but the recent performance is not very promising. Earlier I used to score some 36-38 marks and out of it 30 used to be verbal alone! Needless to say quant would be a perfect anda. Nowadays, the score remains the same but I tend to score some 25 on the verbal part. Not good!
I heard from reliable sources that Nitin is working damn hard these days and giving 150% on the preparation. Here I am giving in a "third" of that effort. ( i meant the third number :-0)
Tomorrow we are leaving at 6:30 PM, Nitin, Santhi, Divakar and myself. Everything has been arranged and only thing left is to find the centres beforehanded.
My expectations? Well, I hope to score some decent percentile so I can qualify for atleast some low ranked institutions in TIME's list as a last straw.
I am expecting to do better in XAT, since it has more emphasis on verbal and there is an essay part and a GK section too. But the institution count is low :-(. Hope I can put my head straight by then. ( well not by then MUCH before then!)
I thank all my friends who have encouraged me and supported me. You people have done your part in playing the cheerleaders but now its up to me!
Pray for me people!
I say good bye till 21st with these lines from my favourite song Estranged by Guns N Roses...

"Young at heart an it gets so hard to wait
When no one I know can seem to help me now
Old at heart but I musn't hesitate
If I'm to find my own way out"

"When I find out all the reasons
Maybe I'll find another way
Find another day
With all the changing seasons of my life
Maybe I'll get it right next time"

Politricks...But Rock your Vote!

On 18th  November, Thiruvananthapuram goes to poll for the Lok Sabaha bye-election. This one is to fill the void created by the death of P.K.V a wonderful man but a rather useless M.P.
A person can’t even take his nap peacefully now. The blaring cacophony of the speakers screaming at the people to vote for his candidate. In the end the public says, “Ok! Ok! We will vote, will you shut that bloody thing off?”
It is almost comical the announcement jeeps of two candidates coming from the opposite directions and creating one hell of a noise and in the end it almost seems like this.
“Vote for the Sickle…vote for Sivakumar”
”Remember the symbol for Sivakumar is…the poor proletariat!”  
“React against the atrocities committed by UDF…So vote for UDF”
“Remember Indian National Congress is a party that helped India achieve independence…So please vote for the sickle…and don’t vote…on the day of the polls!”
Now let’s see the candidates. First of all V.S.Sivakumar of I.N.C. He is the former M.P who lost very badly last time. He is an advocate who has never seen the corridor of any court except may be Karunakaran’s courtyard. A real political eunuch. Spineless to be precise. He made a lot of money during his tenure by his liaison with Airport Authority of India by accepting bribes for arranging temporary jobs. Believe me these temp jobs are worth some 15k per month. He left his mentor Karunakaran on the lurch for an M.P ticket and a possible ministerial position. I am not going to vote for him personally. And his party INC is a gang of gung-hos. The decision to vote against Iran for some menial help from U.S is simply unforgivable. They alienated a long time friend and jeopardised the energy supplies for the next 30 years. Unforgivable offence.
Now for Pannyan Raveendran of C.P.I. The guy with most probability to win. A man of clean character. But that is not what matters here. It is said that he was engrossed in party work and wasn’t interested in parliamentary positions. If he worked hard for the party then congratulations Mister! Your party has some 20 members in it now from being the second largest party in Kerala. I would have to be born atleast a couple more times before I vote for communists. I was tempted to since my parents are going to vote for him anyway. The last straw was the announcement that left would work for trade unions in the IT sector. These people want to destroy whatever prosperity our country has gained. They lack knowledge about the sector and narrow minded (in fact closed minded!)
The third main candidate is C.K. Padmanabhan of B.J.P. Not much chance of winning but at least he is B.J.P. I may probably vote for him given my right libertarian political stand. But I am pissed of with the national leadership for the infighting and even the state leadership. Imagine fighting inside a party which has not yet made the mark in the state!
Those who are in Trivandrum please vote. If you don’t care about polls and you are an engineering student then shame on you. You study with the money of the people  (unless you are on a payment seat like me : - ) ) and its your obligation to vote. So rock your vote!

Skeletons crawl out of my closet...

Today was indeed a horrible day. Sessionals came out and under sessionals for twp subjects.Much on the expected lines but DBMS I scored 25 out of 50. Now I never deserved that. Though I was a royal pain in her ass through out this semester. To think of it I scored the highest marks in university exams for the subject,Operating Systems, this teacher took last year. Very difficult to mount this terrain.
I went into an unusual but expected trip of depression in the afternoon. Not good. I should be upping my spirits now. Pretty important stuff to do in the next few months. I was relieved only in the evening after watching 'Crusades' on History channel. Don't know why but war can sometimes soothe your soul. And as you know more sorrow after I connected to net. All this started right in the morning.
Usually mom wakes me up in the morning. She calls me leave and I go downstairs at my leisure. Today though she waited for me and seemed hesitant.
I thought to myself, "Thats Odd!"
As I started to sip on my tea and my mother said, "I read something you had written."
I spilled my tea. If I wrote something and she got it then its certainly not good. My thoughts reached out to some pretty sleazy and downright vulgar cartoons I had drawn.
She continued, "I felt really sad and wanted to cry. You wrote that you are not good enough, fit enough etc for some girl and were wasting away..."
I had a sinking sensation. "When the hell did I write some shit like that? Am I a sleepwriter?"
I took the paper from her.
The title: Fairy
'She is the most beautiful girl in the world. She is so serene, her....... is like ......'(lucky that my handwriting was very illegible at that point, so she couldn't have comprehended the physical description). Then some tirade about my defects and some promises for change. Then in the end some pretty hilarious good byes to my various fantasy selfs. "GOOD BYE HITLER!" awww this is just horrible. "GOOD BYE ROCKSTAR!" more horror. Then "GOOD MORNING STAR???", what the fuck was that? Did I doze of by then?
I was still wondering when I wrote this piece of trash. I gave a pretty decent 'Oh this one!' look and laughed (I am a pretty good actor). "I wrote this long time ago (yeah! when I was in LKG!). Its a short story. See I have written my name in the bottom of it."
She wasn't very convinced. She said,"Then it is autobiographic!'.
" Oh to hell with it ! I am not this hopeless!" and I walked away.

Then I recollected. This stuff is from the years of depression. My plus two. And yeah I had this massive crush on this girl and was obsessed. But I considered myself to be subhuman then.
The current me is not him. This guy is completely different and strong. Is he?
A strong reason for me to blog. Years down the line the next me would probably laugh or cry after reading the trash I am writing now. That would be interesting :-)

And I am going on a penance( I am not getting an apt word, we call it vratham in malayalam) for 41days. No non-veg, no sleaze, no swearing, no fufu, no gugu etc. Pretty hard time ahead, but its worth it.
"Ninechathallam nadanthu vittal
Daivam Daivamalle"
An old tamil saying meaning, "If everything occurs as we desire then God is not God"

I am huge WWE fan and I am can say that without any shame. Though I am not able to follow the programme on TV, I track it through the Internet. I hadn't checked on the fan site rajah.com for 3 days. I was shell shocked when I visited the page. It said Eddie Guerrero was dead. He was 38. One of the best in both wrestling capacity and entertainment factor. One of the few guys that made me laugh out loud with his antics. I am too numb to say more. my condolenses goes out to his wife and two young daughters.
Eddie you were the man...Viva La Raza

Childrens Day...Rockus reminisces

Children’s Day. The birthday of our first Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru or Chacha Nehru as affectionately as he was called. I realised this was children’s day only in the afternoon while watching Headlines Today. I don’t really recall any celebration we used to have in school. I think our house activities coincided with this event. Being a very conservative school we celebrated these national events in a much disciplined manner. I think later on it became associated with our Science Expo. Really, the school days seemed so long and seems so long ago. These four years in engineering has stormed pass me. Just as our Principal had said in her opening address to us.
I have very fond memories of my childhood. The best life any person could get. Loved by many and many to love. Still it’s somewhat like that but reaching adulthood has exposed some things I wish would have stayed buried. The pressure of reaching adulthood removes a lot of charm and illusions from relationships. Well, whatever that I am now, whatever talent I have should be attributed to my childhood. I could go on a length here but I am reserving a lot for future posts or my autobiography (duh!).
The stuff did today though don’t pertain to children though, apart from a nap in the afternoon. I got to watch a little of my favourite cartoon from childhood. Talespin and that too the hindi version. I had really enjoyed that and Ducktales long back. Though the English versions don’t hold much charm for me. I also loved Jungle Book (again the Hindi version) and we use to play Jungle Book in school during the lunch break. Just running around and pretending to be the characters. I used to be Akru, the wolf brother of Mowgli. Lots of fond memories…
I thought I would make the blog useful by including some info that people care instead of the incessant bitching that I am now familiarised with.

Noted British science fiction novelist Arthur.C.Clarke has been awarded with the highest honour in Sri Lanka, ‘Sri Lankashreshta’. He resides in Sri Lanka presently.
An apt time for me to take his book from the British Library, ‘Garden of Rama’ co-written by Gentry Lee.. I haven’t read any of his books, even though the first book I had taken from the British Library was his, which I never read. Getting a bit confused. Did I read any of his books? Not sure. Has to check out…

Another news. This one most of the people may be unaware of. Intel has purchased 65% share in Grisoft. The makers of AVG antivirus. A move to include more virus protection at the hardware level? I don’t think the PC Hardware King Duttan is aware of this. (As of writing this article) :-).

I am very grateful to Kickasso for recommending QCD player. I had my experience with the same in my old PC and didn’t quite like it. But as I used it now, I really liked it. It simply rocked! Tremendous clarity and I had some noise issues with Winamp. Now, Mr.Haris my sound system is supercool.
The main factor is that I installed a plugin. iZotope Ozone. Man, alive this thing is wonderful! Every audiophile’s dream plug-in. It isn’t free though, and I am searching for cracks. ( for the naïve ones, I cannot afford the money, however low it is, by any stretch of imagination)
I recommend this player to everybody. It is free and it can encode files in ogg unlike winamp which has low quality encoders in the free version. It is a light download at some 2.5 MB and very intuitive. The most amazing thing is the resource utilisation. Even with the plug-in, which is resource intensive; the CPU and memory utilisations are at rock bottom. I’d recommend it to my friends who play NFS with music running in the back.
I had been looking for an alternative ever since I learned about the departure of Justin Frenkel (and his core team) from Winamp, the original creator, ousted due to the profit mongering business methodologies adopted by AOL which had bought Winamp for $ 50 Million. Frenkel used to be my idol once and a reason why I wanted to go for Computer Science. Make a kickass software like he did and load up on cash! Though now it seems very naïve. In this world money is good but it isn’t everything…

The Places I am fit to live!

Hmmmm! I am living in India alright! Don't know much about the US cities. But the other places I really wish to live. Especially Japan and Iceland.

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Your personality type is SCUAI
You are moderately social, calm, unstructured, accommodating, and intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Providence, Austin, Denver, Salt Lake City, Charlotte, San Antonio, Albuquerque/Santa Fe, Indianapolis, Phoenix, Portland/Salem, Nashville, Louisville and these international countries/regions Turkey, Croatia, Slovenia, Caribbean, Puerto Rico, Iceland, Norway, Ukraine, Sweden, Denmark, Spain, Netherlands, Russia, Japan, India

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?
City Reviews at CityCulture.org

I think it pretty much sums up my philosophy in life. The bad side is (?) I am a bit too hedonistic.

You scored as Utilitarianism. Your life is guided by the principles of Utilitarianism: You seek the greatest good for the greatest number.

�The said truth is that it is the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong.�

--Jeremy Bentham

�Whenever the general disposition of the people is such, that each individual regards those only of his interests which are selfish, and does not dwell on, or concern himself for, his share of the general interest, in such a state of things, good government is impossible.�

--John Stuart Mill

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...







Justice (Fairness)


Strong Egoism




Divine Command






What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

Me & My Music

I have got a fairly cosmopolitan view of life and the same can be applied to music as well. I enjoy any music that my auditory senses like at that moment. I enjoy listening to Malayalam songs, especially the ones in the 80’s, a few Hindi songs ( most of the new ones suck) etc. But most of my airtime is used up Rock music. Rock in the sense can range from rock n roll to speed metal. My friends and family usually lambaste me for my taste in music. Especially my family who actually think I am some post modern geek with no attachment to our culture or family. Believe me it hurts me a lot! I have always felt this strange but beautiful attachment towards my family (not just my parents, my cousins, aunts etc) and I am a strong proponent of preserving the cultural values . People misunderstand me a lot.
Music has been my savior. I became really matured and level headed due to music only. I could went out my aggression by listening to music and I believe it has worked wonders on my character.
So far so blah…
Back to the music…
Here are five songs which I feel are my all time favorites…I have not included the Malayalam songs I like though…

5. Aerosmith- I don’t wanna miss a thing
I don’t listen too much of Aerosmith these days. But this song is simply special to me. It was made for the movie Armageddon and it won the Oscar for best song I think. Really brilliant lyrics and a touching song. I really want to be with my beloved when I listen to this song.
“I could stay awake just hear you breathing,
Watch you smile while you are sleeping…”
The lyrics can be found here
4.Scorpions- Still Loving You
A lullaby like start. But really it makes you feel the lethal sting of the Scorpions and Love. A great power ballad. Though many may call the lyrics too straight I really love it. It makes you crave for your long lost love. And the guitar work is simply sublime.
“Is there really no chance
To start once again?”
The lyrics can be found here
3. Metallica- The One
A lot of history in to this anti-war song. The first video song of Metallica and their first mainstream effort in their album”…and Justice for all”. The video is great with snippets from the movie "Johnny Got His Gun" which is based upon the book by Dalton Trumbo who also directed the movie in 1971. The movie is about a soldier who's arms and legs were blown away by a grenade during World War I. Metallica purchased the rights to this film to use it for the music video.
Really the best song by Metallica. Fantastic lyrics. The song picks up pace as the progression and the end is pure headbanging which you cannot resist.
“Back to the womb is much too real
In comes life that I must breathe…”
The lyrics can be found here
2. Jethro Tull-Waking Edge
I edited out Nirvana's song from here. I realised I had missed this song. Jethro Tull is an Alternative Rock band in its true sense. The lead man Ian Anderson plays flute as well (no pun intended!). This song is really really brilliant. Wonderful opening and terrific lyrics. The song is there in the only CD I ever bought! A compilation called 'Still Loving You' in which the eponymous song was also there. Really a classic!
The lyrics can be found here
1. Guns N Roses- Sweet child o’ mine
Most of the fans place November Rain as the best GNR song. But I love this song much more than any other GNR song. The lyrics are sweet and simple. The guitar solos are face melting. This song has the X-factor. This is the first hard rock song I ever listened to thanks to Asianet Jukebox. I am hooked since then to rock music. Habits die hard they say and so does this song. Really revitalises my mind.
I wish the original GNR never broke up. They made some awesome music (the one that made “Appetite for Destruction”, which had Steven Adler at drums instead of Matt Sorum who replaced him from the next album onwards and changed the sound of GNR from hard rock to heavy metal, though this line up also made some brilliant music).
“She has got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds of childhood memories…”
The lyrics can be found here
People not listening to Rock and Metal really are missing a lot…
Now for the second part!
The next day was Pattus Birthday. ( no I didnt forget to use the nick). All of the guys decided to give him a good "kani" (refer the movie Meesha Madhavan) at the daybreak. All of them were sitting really hard not to fall asleep.
Ass time came nearer, oops!,as time came nearer Palmer and Arhie passed out. The others went and showed their "Softwares and Hardwares" and gave Pattu a pants as his gift.
Suddenly someone came and told that Palmer had thrown up. They went to the room and it was nasty. Rajguru cleaned up with the help of Garfield. Now everyone wanted to go to sleep.
The room mate of Palmer and Archie was left.
Rajguru asked him," You can handle things here, right?"
"Ok then Iam going"
The mate made a bed out of a chair and sofa. He switched off the lights then tripped on a bag to fall, luckily into his makeshift bed and passed out...

Everyone was in really good spirits by now. A lot of noise and many declarations followed. "iam that. iam this. iam shit u are good" etc
Rajguru made an announcement.
"This is one of my last hangouts and I thank u all guys.U are really lucky.............So i make the complete expense of tonight on myself"
"Wah! Rajguru Wah!" ,came the encore.
The room was clear except the close circle.
Rajguru said," Who is coming to see Delhi at night with me?"
"me! me! me!", the encore.
"Ok lets go."
It was drizzling outside. They got an umbrella from reception.
Neo said," Da I want my umbrella. I'll get sick otherwise."
"Oh get it fast a$$****!",said Garfield impatiently and followed Neo.
Now garfield had to take the stairs as neo left by the lift. But Garfield was consipicously missing from the room.
"He was really paambu. Where did he go?", thought Garfield hoping he did not go into any strangers room.
When he came down. THere was Neo standing.
" I couldn't find my umbrella. Mom will scold me."
"Idiot go to your room first and not any others.And no need of any umbrella.At most u may die", Garfield dragged a whimpering Neo outside and they started to walk.
The destination was a bar nearby. All of us bought a round of beer. Gentlemanyan had a sprite. The guy drinks sprite from bars at 40-45 Rs for a glass! Apart from him there was Archie, Palmer, Hogan, Garfield, Kobra, Neo, Thirupaachi, Kattabuji and Rashtriyakaran. Suddenly Archie wanted throw up, went to the toilet to do that and came back. Now everyone was having a ball. They ordered a cauliflower manchurian and vegetable manchurian. More eating. Time came for the ordering second round. Garfield and Rashtriyakaran declined. The bar guys told they had to close at 11:15 and it will open again at 12:30, so they had to leave.
All of them were sober upon entering the bar. But now they were really on a roll. The Atmosphere was absolutely electric.
The roads were wet and mud puddles all over.
Suddenly Kattabuji had a revelation.
"Aliya, I want to take pushups." He tried to but fell flat on his face and lay there giggling.
"I'll show you how its done.", Palmer said and to his credit did a couple before going down.
Others were laughing their guts out. Lucky no Police came for rounds.
Non-Gugulites like Samson, Odie and Gaanagandharvan came and guided everyone to hotel.