Fear Factory...

Yes, that is my mind right now...A fear factory...
Lots of stuff going on and the pace at which things happen is pretty much frenetic to say the least.
Today is 19th... The project submission is on 1st February...Not much movement at all...Infact nothing at all...I hope I don't pay the prize for over confident and arrogant about my abilities. May be should have swallowed my pride and went with the crowd...
I have this inherent nature that makes me sail against the wind. Is it good or bad?

Then there is the Computer Graphics Lab...The way my friends are preparing scares me a lot...May be they have got serious as the college has come to an end...And me? Still the same 'Fivepointsomeone' (no, I have'nt read the book and may be thats why the usage)
May be I am changing as well. My status in Yahoo reads listening to Krishna by Colonial Cousins ( got it from Jackie after a horrendous day) My messenger friends know that usually it is something like "Flying with Led Zeppellin", "Slain by the Slayer", "One night stand with an Iron Maiden" etc. May be I am getting mellower...

About good and bad...I believe everything is relative and being a follower of Bhagvat Geetha roots that belief. Everything happens for a reason and reason happens for everything. It is for the good that changes occur. These words provide an influx of strength into my soul. They have helped me a lot. I have repackaged myself a lot over these four years and have worked very hard in that. People who know me from school would probably be surprised at this me.
Some of those changes have been very consious and others have been unconsious.
May be I am seeing too many changes in an unchanged me...Don't know and can't say...

Then there is a big question of what to do after colllege...And the lingering dread of results looming large...I wished I had put my mind straight during exams instead of balking at it...may have to write as less as 6 to as much as 12 papers in addition to the current ones...And no I am not kidding...
But the overconfident self assures me I will be able to clear those huddles...But still the fact of what to do next remains a gaping void...baring its ugly teeth in my face.

MBA? have to wait for a couple more results. Then there is another one MAT, for the lesser institutes...But my mind is wandering away from it...may be the pride striking again...
Job? You need to clear cut offs and have got none in that department. May be there are opportunities for me as well.
Wait and then try to repeat CAT or civil service? You need a strong financial infrastructure at home to try anything like that. I think and I am the one person who needs to earn money as soon as possible than most other peers.

Then there is a massive scare as well. My cousin said recently that my uncle had commented to him that he knows something about me. Fearing the worst...Did he see me smoke? Shopping for Booze? or worse did he reach my blog? Can't even think of the consequences...may be he is just kidding and saw me giving second glances to some hot girl and made up a story to embarass me. I hope and pray it is the later.

Those are my fears venting out from the factory...pretty scare time...


Later Days
"The Pain is temporary...The Game is for ever!"