Malluminati

An attempt was made on my life this morning. Who? The Mallu Illuminati or we can call them Malluminati. I had tweeted about a mallu conspiracy to take over the world a couple of weeks back. Strictly. For. Fun. Being jobless can be a bitch at times. Some people found my previous post in accordance with the theory and even warned me that I might have strange visitors at night.

Remember! Tweets are to be parsed bottom-up!

flyyoufools says:

@rockus So you found the clues about the Mallu Illuminati's plan for world domination? Expect a strange visitor tonight, and wont be zoozoos

rockus says:

Yup! Draft still there! New post: Zoozoo and a perverted Mallu. Previous post.

I skipped town on that weekend and left for Thrissur. I think the baby who was with me in the coupe was a malluminati mole.

Picture is indicative. From here. Imagine this kid when he is 6 months old with the same expression. You get the idea!

So I land in Thrissur. More on the trip later. We have more pressing issues at hand here folkses! Most of my roadtrips in Thrissur was through the areas of Mallu Illuminati. Hummers, S class, and BMWs rule these roads. Home to Gulfar Mohammedaali and several big guns (howitzers rather!) of middle east. There was a BMW and a Hummer tailing us and little did I realise that they were keeping a watch on me!

Image via Wikipedia

Today early morning I come home. Spend my time checking official mails and working. Roomies wake up and I tell them the case of mysterious torn pants. Aah yes. Another Malluminati doing. I wear my perfectly pressed, brand new (not to mention expensive!) Wrangler jeans for the wedding. After a while I find my pants torn. Not a small tear. The entire left ass is torn apart. Lucky for me I had to buy a new Kurta due to the extreme summer heat in Kerala. The shirt I took along was so drenched with sweat that it could be used for irrigating an acre of land. Malluminati failed at the mission of getting arrested for indecent ass exposure thanks to my "I need no fucking pants" long kurta.

Back to today morning. Roomies leave for work except one. Me lazing around in bed thinking of zoozoos. After a while I decide to wash a few clothes and get ready to work. Soak my clothes in surf. Move near the bathroom sink. Open the tap. Crash comes the sink down into a million pieces. Blood starts flowing from my toe. I am speechless. After a minute, almost knowing shout comes in. Sink fell down? I open the door to find my roomie. Lets call him Neo as we usually do in this blog.

I keep pouring water over my toe. Blood keeps gushing. Neo is simply watching. I have to swear at his livestock to get me some cloth. He hums along and after taking his pretty time brings me a baniyan. I drape it around my toe and hobble out of the bathroom. Help? Nope! Baniyan got drenched in blood. Then I understood the meaning of Red flag. It was beautiful except for the pain part of it. Neo is missing. He comes back and says he was sending mails. Hmmm. Without notice he gets dressed and leaves for office. I think he is also part of Malluminati now. Worst part? He sleeps next to me.

Somehow the bleeding stops and I hobble out in search for a clinic. Doc and the nurse dresses the wound. Gives me an injection and tells me to be careful.

I am following their advice. If anything happens, the Malluminati is responsible. Grill Neo for more information.

I don't know why they are doing this. Be careful. They are out there!