Localising Terror

Saw this comic in the Dry Bones Blog. Poignant and hits the point. Terrorists try to localise terror as much as possible. If they get the support of at least one local, then they win and we lose. What can we do to counter such naive but dirty tactics? I would replace Islamism in the comic with Islamic Terrorism. Both are radically different things.

I want my country back

This makes me sick to the core. What do they gain by killing civilians? Eternal life in heaven? What are we doing about the perverted bastards poisoning the minds of young men? What exactly is the politicians smoking? I would like to have a puff too. May be it will make me insensitive to all that is happening in our country. Apparently, the coast of our biggest city is so well guarded that a sizeable contingent of armed terrorists can walk in and shoot people in cold blood. Who is to blame here? The corrupt officials? Or is it the political big wigs who would not hesitate to pimp their daughters for more power?

The attack showed the audacity with which the terrorists acted. Its after all the fucking Indians, shoot the pigs down! Mow them! Decimate them! No ones going to touch us! We can always pay our way out and dedicate a few of our martyrs in the process! Aisa hota hain!

Are we eunuchs to take all these and keep asking for more? Any self respecting man or woman cannot tolerate this anymore. We can be insensitive only to an extent.

Remember the words in the poem First they came...:
They came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist;
And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist;
And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew;
And then . . . they came for me . . . And by that time there was no one left to speak up."
This is a song against the Nazis. But it doesn't this have a lot to do with our mindset as well?

'Oh its poor that are killed, but I am not poor. Its the majority/minority that is killed, but I am not one. It happens only in the North, but I am glad I am here. OMG they are coming for me and I have no where to run!'

What will be the end result of all these? Our freedoms will be curtailed on the pretext of security. Innocent people will be harassed. Terrorists will still romp free. New terrorists will be made or bought. People will be more insensitive than ever. Country will still go to the Dogs...

P.S: Since the past week, I feel that Airport Road in Bangalore (the HAL one) is seeing an increased security. More police men than ever! Is trouble brewing?

How soon is now?

Title alludes to a brilliant song by The Smiths. You can find it at the bottom of this post. A brilliant song about a loser, single guy. I hope it makes sense at the end of the post as well.

I never thought seriously about getting married. Thought, yes. Thought like what would I be doing if a bunch of cannibals caught me and put in a big cauldron to make a stew. Nothing concrete. But me in a distant land (any place 10 KM from home is distant!) seems to ring alarm bells in my parents' head. Fortunately, I am blessed to have a nice cousin, who is a self-proclaimed romeo and working in the film industry, dilly-dallying with the babes. Furthermore, he is a certified flirt machine by the family. So the attention is on him and everyone's scared he would land a babe unacceptable to the family.

Right now, I have successfully thwarted all the advances my parents made regarding a couple of proposals by the following rebuttals:
1. I am too young!
2. I won't do anything stupid!
3. I cannot afford without compromising on my extravagant lifestyle! (I had a close look at a couple of guys who got married recently. Its a bleeding (no pun intended?!) experience!
4. I will only marry a girl who can install Debian in text mode while looking stunning!

Now my parents are investigating what the heck this Debian is. In the meanwhile, I am continuing my age old tradition of being Chandler, minus the vampish mother, transvestite father, and a nipple; but inclusive of the gay innuendo! At the same time, several incidents are asserting my apperent goofiness while dealing with the feline, err, female kind!

Scene 1 Office Cafeteria, Lunch time

Four of us are having lunch; our Manager, two colleagues, and me. I am the only male specimen.

M: (to me gesturing at C1) Look how beautiful her eyes are!
C1 blushes (she is happily married btw!). She usually wears spects.
Me: (looking straight at her eyes) Oh! Where are your glasses? Got contact lenses? No wonder your eyes look big!
M thumps on forehead, C1 is visibly shaken, C2 is laughing herself to glory.
M: You will reach a long way with the ladies. You give complements! Not talk about technicalities!
C2: It seems we have a hard task of teaching him.
M: I am suspending my search for a suitable girl for him!
Me: *sheepish grin* Let me get myself some buttermilk!

Scene 2 Bank

I am at the Bank to take a DD and things are in a mess. I am dressed in my faded black Linux tees and a pair of faded out, torn jeans. I walk upto a Relationship Manager, who is apparently a babe!

Me: Excuse me! *hops up and down with hands with pockets*
RM: *looks up and scowls* What can I do for you, "sir"?
I tell her my predicament hoping she would sympathise.
RM: *dismissively* Sorry sir, you have to have an account with us.
Me: But of course! I have one!
RM: *disbelievingly* Really!!!
RM: Do you have a cheque leaf?
Me: No, but...
RM: *triumphantly* Aha! Get your ass off here!
Me: What??
RM: Err...I can't help you without one!

Me walks out as other Bank babes looks derisively.

Scene 3 Bank

Monday morning and I am at the Bank, armed with a cheque leaf. Monday hangovers from my last workplace means that I am well dressed and shaved!

Me: Excuse me! *hops up and down with hands with pockets*
RM: *looks up with a look "i have seen this hop before"* Yes sir?
Me explains my predicament along with the dire consequences I would end up if I don't get the DD.
RM: *finally realising who I am* See that counter buster? Its written DD. Can't you read?
Me: What??
RM: I mean, see that counter 11? They provide the DD.

I go to that counter. From the name plate I guess that the female is a mallu. I give her the stuff she wants. She tells me to take a seat. The only available seat is in front a guy who seems to be very uncomfortable with the fact that no one is coming to him. All customers flock towards the ladies! I sit in front of him. I smile. He gives me a rotten look which seems like "i am not that type". So, I am embarassed. Looks around.

Lots of kids have come with their parents. Some hulabaloo happening. One kid comes near me. Latches onto my chair arms and smiles at me. I smile back. He leaves. I say in my mind, cute kid. I am trying to avoid looking at the officer opposite to me. I decide to turn my eye towards my right.

I stare into the babe officer's monitor. Deduces that the Bank uses Flexcube and wonders whether they have a robust billing platform also. I feel a heated gaze. The babe is looking at me. She thinks I am staring at something else. I look at her hands. Rings suggest she is married. Looks suggest she is a sardarini. My mind starts showing me vivid pictures of a well built sardar wringing my neck. I turn my head towards the left.

Goodie! LCD TV!

It says: Log on to our Net Banking system! Its good! Seriously, It rocks! Let us tell you a secret, it can get you laid! With Katrina Kaif!

Though I made up the last two, it nearly said those too! Over and over again! Now I feel a warm gaze. A girl is looking at me. I look back. She smiles. I am thinking of smiling back. Suddenly, the realisation hits. There may be someone behind me and she may be smiling at that person. I look back. No one. Must be my day! I invoke the Subramaniyapuram guy (remember the song Kankal Irundaal?) and smiles a 100 watt smile. I am met with an angry stare. An elderly gentleman, apparently the girl's father. Girl is looking straight ahead feeling offended.

I am in a fix as to where to look next. DD girl calls me tells me to sign once again. She gives a pretty disgusting look. I am left wondering what I did now. Suddenly, I find something gooey on my sleeve. Apparently the sweet kid that came near me gave me a really pasting on his snot. I get up and look around. Casually strolls to the place where they keep all the forms. Apparently while strolling casually I was whistling and the entire Bank is staring at me. Embarrassed, I simply roll up my sleeves.

The sweet kid goes to the DD girl. She gives him a lolkypop, mouthing words of adoration.She looks up at me with a shocking disgust since I was mouthing "o rly" during her "sweet aunty" gimmick. She decides she has had enough and gives me my DD. I thank her with a German accent so that she doesn't realise I am mallu. As I go out, I hear her remark to the babe manager, "bloody nerds!"

I guess the will make sense now!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you 'How Soon is Now?', the anthem of all the sacharrine challenged nerds!

P.S: I don't think this post made much sense. It is like life itself. Will not make any sense after a while!

Incoming and Outgoing

A very funny article on the United States President-elect Mr.Obama from the Huffington Post. It about how Obama always speaks in complete sentences.

A few excerpts:
"Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement," says Mr. Logsdon. "If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist."

"Every time Obama opens his mouth, his subjects and verbs are in agreement," says Mr. Logsdon. "If he keeps it up, he is running the risk of sounding like an elitist."

The president-elect's stubborn insistence on using complete sentences has already attracted a rebuke from one of his harshest critics, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska.

"Talking with complete sentences there and also too talking in a way that ordinary Americans like Joe the Plumber and Tito the Builder can't really do there, I think needing to do that isn't tapping into what Americans are needing also," she said.

Well its so different from the outgoing United States President, who has spoken a few gems like these:
"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."

"I have made good judgments in the past.I have made good judgments in the future."

"The future will be better tomorrow."

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO.We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."

"Public speaking is very easy."

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."
How dare those Americans elect an educated, level headed President and rob us of all the fun!

P.S: I will be publishing an article on US Presidents soon. An analysis from my perspective.

The Creator

This is was me...several years back...

Now this is me...don't know for how long... (except for the fact that I am no longer in the university)

The first comic is Calvin and Hobbes (duh!)
The second is the latest XKCD, the best in a long, long time...


With little to no care,
You run about like a hare,
Scampering with an eternal fear,
Or is it because you want to beat the deer?

What will you do the day,
When it hits you are in a play.
Never looked out for the ones needed you
Sure that you will need them then too.

Losers you may feel now they are,
When you realize it may be too far,
Precious they were to you,
Respite they gave when you were blue.

Its sad how things veer on,
Now you don't feel alone,
The day will come when you reflect,
Hope time then makes you not deject.

A short piece of super duper poetry by yours smashing truly since he is feeling fairly masochistic and even more sadistic. This ones about people who give a damn about others and ignore the important things and people in their life. Knowingly or unknowingly. Now, that would include nearly the entire population! Those that are left out are either lying or vegetables.

Three Men and a Boat

Last weekend was yet another house boat trip. We went to Ernakulam for our ex-roomies wedding and arranged a house boat in Alappuzha. This trip did not offer the kind of pleasure that the previous trips did. We ran late and were pretty tired almost all the time due to the constant travel. Also, the gang itself was not the cohesive unit one would desire. Still it offered a lot of insights into the head of ordinary, average guys.

A small excerpt (a bit exagerrated!) from a drunk conversation at the middle of the night. Docked boat. Not so well behaved mosquitos. Vennilla Chandankinnam in Punnamada kayal (seriously!). All names numbered to keep anonymity. G3 is exceptionally well mannered and nice boy though!;-)

Guy 1: I was really hoping to score a chick in this trip.

Guy 2: Hmmm.

Guy 3: Huh?

G1: I have no hopes on others. Only you two.

G2 and G3: (thinking) O rly?

G1: We should have called some one.

G3: Santhamma?

G1: Yeah...an 18 year old Santhamma...

G3: We would have probably ended up with a Santhamma having a younger daughter of 18 years!

G1: And probably give her twice the amount of money she asks for her, after we cry hearing her life story.

G2: Without doing anything!

G1: Yeah, totally!

G3: We are nice guys. Born, brought up and will die the same way.

G1: If we do anything out of ordinary, we will end up screwed for the rest of our lives!

*long silence*

G1: But we also have our fantasies. I am going to>>>>>>> (totally censored due to sheer violence!) G3, don't you have any such fantasies?

G3: I have a strong gut, but I don't think I will ever be a sadist in sex. It doesn't feel right! No hard feelings dude, you are never going to marry a girl I know!

G1: *chuckles*

G3: G2, do you have such fantasies?

G2: Aavo? *sinister smile*

G3: Perverts! Hmm...thinking about it, I would probably give hickies!


Once upon a time I was obsessed with turning back time. To undo the bad things. To study well for that exam. To do things I should have done. Heck, I was a Backstreet Boys fan who loved the 'sublime' lyrics, "Oh I wish I could...Turn back time..." from the song Quit Playing Games! Over time, it finally dawned to me that I had to take ownership of my actions and my decisions. I think I became a better person ever since then. Still, my mind has its own reign and does things due to which I end up suffering. A suffering on the maximum scale. The pain which accentuates when you are alone or when some triggers appear. All these makes me believe in yesterday...Sometimes I simply want to live in yesterday...Basking in the pleasure of having your best around you...

So far, I have been successful turning a fairly nostalgic tag into a sentimental crap. So without further interruption, lets get on to it.

Crusader has tagged me. Similar to an old tag I did before.

Two questions from the past, present and future. Answer them and then
tag your friends from the blog-o-sphere. Leave a comment on their blog
letting them know they have been tagged and you are all set.


- Your oldest memories

I have a large collection of baby pictures which will put all who put theirs into shame. I was supposedly the cutest and most well behaved baby in town! I can confirm the cutest part from the pics. Unfortunately, I have never scanned them. So you will have to use your imagination!

Now to the oldest memory.

I was around 3. My dad had an old Jawa bike. We used to go to his native place in that. Me, mom, and dad. A long ride of around 36 KM one way. It was the Onam time. Suddenly, some monsters appeared out of no where and I started crying. My dad and mom comforts barely able to stifle their smiles. Apparently the monsters were the Kariyila veshams you see during Onam time. Man! I really need to see my parents now! :-(

- What were you doing ten years ago?

I was 14, in 9th standard. Struggling to keep up my reputation as a geek. Staring at the curves of the first girl I looked from an adolescent, adrenaline pumped point of view. Reading Sidney Sheldon novels purely for the masala point of view. In short, a pervert in making.


Working in a job which I love. Pondering what to do with my life. Scared about my future. Lamenting on my losses. Disinterested in my gains.


Have some urgent work to finish. Talk to many people to finalize things at work. Look for tickets to go home. Work on reservations for a conference next month. Clear my Airtel connection issues.

What do you see yourself doing 14 years from now?

Ideal Scenario:

Widely travelled both physically and mentally. Happily married to a great woman. Couple of good kids. Working on my terms, probably being a successful consultant or a writer or both! Lots of fun outings with my friends and family.

Dark and Depressing Scenario:

Broken and bitter with life. Reeling in a bad marriage, with kids scarred due to the bad home atmosphere. Working a shitty job. Ignored by everybody and dismissed as a "never been".

Writing about the former makes me even more scared!

If you build a time capsule what would it contain?

Memories...all of them...My mind commentary on each and every one, just like Director's commentary in a DVD.

I tag: If there is anyone left, this one is for you!

Crap! I think I have turned this into snooze fest!

Pascal Saves!

Check out my tech blog for a story on technology being a life saver.

A Gentleman...

I never write tribute posts when players retire. Never been driven to do that before. But this is special for me. The first player I seriously idolised since childhood. Anil Kumble. Everyone was a Kapil fan around me when I was a kid and I was one too. That was by virtue of namesake alone. Kumble caught my imagination as a true match winner spinning people into oblivion.

I distinctly remember the early 90s series where Kumble ripped apart batting teams and who can forget the awesome performance against the Windies in Hero Cup? I started bowling leg spin in my own little way (only to get my ass hammered most of time!) and even discovered the "oh-so" simple tactic of bowling googly and top spinners. Later on the adulation turned to admiration for the tenacity of Kumble. The never-say-die attitude and urge for success, which was painfully missing from most of our players.

His record speaks for himself. But more than any record, what he should be remembered for is his attitude. The art of being aggressive without mouthing a single foul word. A gentleman in all respects. Hats off...